Elizabete Džeina Rubene

Essential Loneliness


Ever since my great-great-grandmother's husband and four sons came to a tragic end, the men of my family have left life too early. My grandmother's husband was killed at the age of 27 as he was coming home. Grandmother married a second time, but they eventually divorced.

My most vivid childhood memory is about my grandmother's second husband. He came to congratulate me and my sister on our name-day, even when their marriage with my grandmother was over. On a sunny November day, grandpa Peter entered in his fur coat. Radiating cold, he bought strawberries and gifts. My sister received a turtleneck, while I got some money - "You know better what you need". His life ended when he fell asleep at the wheel.

When I was born, my father left my mother. Men flow out of my life, unable to provide any guidance or help to understand my own relationship with this gender. This series was created as a personal ritual - a séance or a purging of pain, indifference and fear that what is written in my family tree might be repeated.